My Blog

farther away

I run to you

I took their smiles and I made them mine
I sold my soul just to hide the light
And now I see what I really am
A thief, a whore, and a liar

I run to you
And run away from this hell
Call out your name
Giving up, giving in
I see you there
Still you are
Farther away

I’m numb to you,
Numb and deaf and blind
You give me all but the reason why
I reach but I feel only air and night
Not you, not love, just nothing

I run to you
And run away from this hell
Call out your name
Giving up, giving in
I see you there
Still you are
Farther away

Don’t leave me here
By myself
I can’t breathe

I run to you
And run away from this hell
Call out your name
Giving up, giving in
I see you there
Still you are
Farther away

Don’t leave me here
By myself
I can’t breathe

I run to you
And run away from this hell
Call out your name
Giving up, giving in
I see you there
Still you are
Farther away

I run to you
And run away from this hell
Call out your name
Giving up, giving in
I see you there
Still you are
Farther away

If I can throw a single ray of light across the

Darkened pathway of another; If I can aid

Some soul to clearer sight of life and duty,

And thus, bless my brother; if I wipe

From any human cheek a tear; I shall not

Have lived my life in vain while here.

I can guide some erring one to truth,

Inspire within his heart a sense of duty; If I

Can plant within thy soul of rosy youth a

Sense of right, a love of truth and beauty; If

I can teach one man that God and heaven

Are near I shall not have then live in vain

While here.

If from my mind I banish doubt and fear,

And keep my life attuned with kindness; if I

Can scatter life in hope and cheer, and

Help remove the curse of mental blindness;

If I can make more joy, more hope, less

Pain, I shall not have lived and loved in

Vain.

If by life’s roadside I can plant a tree,

Beneath whose shade some wearied had

May rest, though I may never share its

Beauty, I shall yet be truly bless – though

No one knows my name, nor drops a flower

Upon my grave, I shall not have lived in vain

While here…

Please Hear What I’m Not Saying

Don’t be fooled by me.

Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.

For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,

Masks that I’m afraid to take off,

And none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that’s second nature to me,

But don’t be fooled.

For God sake don’t be fooled.

I give you the impression that I’m secure,

That confidence is my name and coolness is my game,

That the water’s calm and I’m in command,

And that I need no one.

But don’t believe me.

My surface may seem smooth but my surface

Is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing.

Beneath lies no complacence.

Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.

But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed.

That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,

A nonchalant sophisticated façade, to help me pretend,

To shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation.

My only hope, and I know it.

That is, if it’s followed by acceptance,

If it’s followed by love.

It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself,

From my own self-built prison walls,

From the barriers I so painstakingly erect.

It’s the only thing that will assure me

Of what I can’t assure myself,

That I’m really worth something.

I don’t like to hide.

I don’t like to play superficial phony games.

I want to stop playing them.

I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me,

But you’ve got to help me.

You’ve got to hold out your hand

Even when that’s the last thing I seem to want.

Only you can wipe away from my eyes

The bland stare of the breathing dead.

Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time you’re kind and gentle and encouraging,

Each time you try to understand because you really care,

My heart begins to grow wings, very small wings,

Very feeble wings,

But wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling

You can breathe life into me.

I want you to know that.

Who am I, you may wonder.

I am someone you know very well.

For I am every man you meet,

And I am every woman you meet.

Paint Brush

I keep my paint brush with me

Wherever I may go,

In case I need to cover up

So the real me doesn’t show.

I’m so afraid to show you me,

Afraid of what you’ll do—that

You might laugh or say mean things.

I’m afraid I might lose you.

I’d like to remove all my paint coats

To show you the real, true me,

But I want you to try and understand,

I need you to accept what you see.

So if you’ll be patient and close your eyes,

I’ll strip off all my coats real show.

Please understand how much it hurts

To let the real me show.

Now my coats are all stripped off.

I feel naked, bare and cold,

And if you still love me with all that you see,

You are my friend, pure as gold.

I need to save my paint brush, though,

And hold it in my hand,

I want to keep it handy

In case somebody doesn’t understand.

So please protect me, my dear friend

And thanks for loving me true,

But please let me keep my paint brush with me

Until I love me, too.

Somebody Should Have Taught Him

I went to a birthday party

But I remembered what you said.

You told me not to drink at all,

So I had a Sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself,

The way you said I would,

That I didn’t choose to drink and drive,

Though some friends said I should.

I knew I made a healthy choice and

Your advice to me was right

As the party finally ended

And the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my own car,

Sure to get home in one piece,

Never knowing that was coming,

Something I expected at least.

Now I’m lying on the pavement.

I can hear the policeman say,

“The kid that caused this wreck was drunk.”

His voice seems far away.

My own blood is all around me,

As I try hard not to cry.

I can hear the paramedic say,

“This girl is going to die.”

I’m sure the guy had no idea,

While he was flying high,

Because he chose to drink and drive

that I would have to die.

So why do people do it,

Knowing that it ruins lives?

But now the pain is cutting me

Like a hundred stabbing knives.

Tell my sister not to be afraid,

tell Daddy to be brave,

and when I go to heaven to

put “Daddy’s Girl” on my grave.

Someone should have taught him

that it’s wrong to drink and drive.

Maybe if his mom and dad had,

I’d still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter,

I’m getting really scared.

These are my final moments,

And I’m so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me, Mom,

As I lie here and die.

I wish that I could say

I love you and good-bye.

Haunted

Long lost words whisper slowly to me
Still can’t find what keeps me here
When all this time I’ve been so hollow inside
I know you’re still there

Watching me wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
Fearing you loving you
I won’t let you pull me down

Hunting you I can smell you - alive
Your heart pounding in my head

Watching me wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
Saving me raping me
Watching me

missing

Please, please forgive me
But I won’t be home again
Maybe someday you’ll look up
And barely concious you’ll say to no one
Isn’t something missing

You won’t cry for my absence, I know
You forgot me long ago
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn’t someone missing me?

Even though I’m the sacrifice
You won’t try for me, not now
Though I’d die to know you loved me
I’m all alone
Isn’t someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me
But I won’t be home again
I know what you do to yourself
I breathe deep and cry out
Isn’t something missing

Even though I’m the sacrifice
You won’t try for me, not now
Though I’d die to know you loved me
I’m all alone
Isn’t someone missing me?

my last breath

hold on to me love
you know i can’t stay long
all i wanted to say was i love you and i’m not afraid
can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms?

holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

i’ll miss the winter
a world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
i know you hear me
i can taste it in your tears

holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one’s there

say goodnight
don’t be afraid
calling me calling me as you fade to black

hello

playground school bell rings again
rain clouds come to play again
has no one told you she’s not breathing?
hello i’m your mind giving you someone to talk to
hello